svbcoalition.org - Shenandoah Valley Bicycle Coalition

I'm ready to bring some Texas heat! I am hoping to bring a small group to experience the Burg. Are the dates 100% July 1st to 6th. Lets see some ideas of courses, I have talked it up for the last month. Put up some pics and let get some energy started.

Hope you are doing well and look forward to getting back east.

Thanks, Bryan

Chad Irey here, I am in for the full pull. I just received word today that the sports minister for the mostly green Bluegrass State has granted me permission to compete in the grandest tour of all tours. I am looking forward to getting hammered on again. Sara, however, is off to Hawaii during that time. It was a very difficult decision for her. She could not decide if it would be more fun to make PB&J's for five days for a bunch of smelly cyclists in the mountains of VA or more fun to do nothing for 14 days on the beaches of Hawaii. She promises to bring back some sweet grass skirt moves for next year. I have forgone the thought of laying on beaches for the thought of completing my third tour. I could not imagine relaxing for 14 days knowing good and well I was missing the ultimate beat down of 08'. How do I get to the Prologue?

Pay attention, my intention is to bust a move.

To all those concerned and even to those that have very little concern or regard for my welfare, I am announcing my intention to attend the 2008 edition of the TDB. I realize the gravity of this decision, and that my inclusion in this esteemed event is in the hands of a stringent few that are stricter than the ASO, WADA, UCI, and USCF all put together in the form of some large bicycle race governing amoeba. I hope that the TDB organizers can see past my seedy, yet incredibly successful history tainted by the abuse of various performance enhancing substances including (but not limited to) horse urine, irradiated maple syrup, watered down diesel, sand, hydrogenated oil, GMO sweet potatoes, and Jan Ulrich's leftover blood supply. If allowed to compete I would promise to abstain from all of the above substances and rely primarily on beer and sleep deprivation to finish strong and inevitably stand on the top step of the podium

Yours truly, Dicky

The past week has been an intense and frantic shift of opportunity, interest and sponsorship, which has escalated into two straight days of cramming, accompanied by shakes, mental fits and the obvious self-evaluation of my mental state. To most it would seam rather unrealistic to even consider such a feat on less than two weeks of deliberation, however lead through consultation, by Mathew Lee, it would appear that despite my own inability to believe I am in this thing, I am!

Ricky Ralph Reuben Kline, born and raised a poor white boy in the hill of Pennsylvania, where at a late age, honed his technical mountain biking skills in Michaux State Forest will make his debut into self-supported mountain bike racing in Banff on June 13th 2008 at the Tour Divide.

I must point out that it is with great sadness and excitement, that my bipolar-self, does attend this epic challenge. I have set aside the opportunity to do not one, but two unique races in order to conquer this 2,711 mile exploit. From my heart bleeds sadness, for I will be missing my best of friends, those southern boys, who I have relied upon for years to shed pain in my direction at the annual Tour de Burg. I will however, with great honor, carry the spirit of the cupcakes with me, and at all time think of my Meeshowslovakia roots. As I expand my depiction of going big, I ask forgiveness and blessings from those who taught me what it was to go big!!

Now, on to the calculations... 17 days 21 hrs or 429hrs approximately 18 days...2711/18= 150.61 miles per day. 2711/17=159.47 miles per day. 2711/16=169.44 miles per day. 24 hours, 6-7sleep 17-18 awake. 16hrs x 10mph = 160 miles.

15hr x 11=165 14hrs x 11.5 =161 13x12=156 12x12.5=150 ..... yup looks like the more hours you ride the sooner you get to Mexico.

Ouch! Wait! Where’s my bed?

Here I come Mexico!!! Ricky Ralph Reuben Kline

Dear Tour Director,

After sitting out 2007 TdB due to injury, I intend to do as much of the TdB 1) as I can stand before I crack and 2) as much as I can get away with not working while that other Tour in France is getting going. In the meantime, I am headed off to the mountains of Italy for some super secret, high altitude, probably off-the-bike training.

- Susanna Jorge

Honorable Director,

I heard the tour propaganda is flying around. haven't seen any of it yet. Could you put me on the email list so I can start planning my reverse attacks.

thanks,

V. Blowseph

Monsieur Director,

It is with great anticipation that the management of neo-pro continental team, the JV Squad presented by Miller High Life, submits its application to race in the greatest of tours. The squad serves as a feeder for the Pro Tour outfit Tractor Supply Company presented by Skoal, and ambitious team riders hope to use solid Tour results as a springboard to that prestigious team.

With a successful Giro behind them, the Squad has taken a break from racing to allow team leader Kyle Lawrence time to recuperate from a mysterious ailment and let the remaining squad concentrate on finding form for a defense of the coveted DFL, secured by the savage one-two punch of Blatecky and Delaney in the final stage of the 2007 tour.

Team management and key riders will stage a press conference on the eve of le Tour from their Court Square offices, unveiling the new team kit and presenting our sponsors to the adoring public. The illustrious Tour Committee will of course be accorded VIP seats and private time with the podium boys.

The JV Squad roster for the 2008 edition of le Tour de Burg will be: Kyle Lawrence, Ryan Fawley, Ryan Delaney, Blake Walker, Andy Blatecky, Chris Clark, Chase Lyne, and Julie Gliesing.

Thank you,

James McHone

Director Sportif, Sponsor and Masseur

JV Squad

Monsieur Director,

Due to the absence of one D. Landkurter, I, Blake Walker, the school-bus-sized slum king of the C-villains, will be the solo (Fawley?) representative for the single-speed contingency of the JV squad. As such, I can guarantee an unparalleled level of slum that will undoubtedly lead to a hotbed of contention among all DFL contenders. I can only hope that my performance at this Tour of Tours can make up for my unavoidable absence from Il Giro in the eyes of both JV management and my fellow foofers.

Vive Le Tour and God Bless America!

-Blake Walker

blake my heart goes out to you. you are a brave man indeed.

good luck, and if you can actually finish then yes you'll have made up for your absence at the Giro,

but not last years 100, or the first two hours and last 3 of the ride kyle you and I did on the SMT or that time you used to live in h'burg and then moved back to c'ville without telling anyone or the mountain bike festival. or the time we all came to c'ville to race cross and you only watched or the cohutta...no wait it was small balls that didn't come on that one well i'm sure i'm forgetting some other things that won't be made up for.

guess who rode the wvmba mtb race today on a ridgid fixie? This guy. Guess who Ryan Fawley beat by 40 mins today over a 3 hour race? This guy. The only two singlespeeders and overall idiots to ride ridgid forks today were fawley and I. I'll send pics, epic shitty trail conditions mud bogs 2 feet deep. 2 to 16 inches of standing water on most of the trails. Total peanut butter on all the others. Blake I fear for your safety but I bet you still finish ahead of small balls and probably Delaney. I am counting on his melt downs to reach new heights. Oh and Blake you get to walk all the way up Elliots on Wed. Kurt, I want to hear more about the rules to this one handed hot dog ride. Eat the dog on the ride or at the top?

Carp!!! hey there. I intend to show, ride, and represent the south although I still am a true cupcake of me so slowvia up north. Can't wait to seeya all.

Si

Mr. Tour Organizer

In between changing diapers and washing bottles, And the occasional bib short and jersey. I find myself eating a bowl of cereal and dreaming of the tour.

Life is grand!

I hereby toss my dirty diaper into the fire of irresponsibility and declare that I will participate in the grandest tour of tours. For sure.

If it is OK with my wife?! She said it was!!!! Yeahaa!

Bikingly yours,

TB

Howdy,

I'm coming back to Harrisonburg to ride as much of the Tour as I possibly can. Do I need to send anything else to confirm my intent?

I'll be up for helping out any days that I decide I cannot hack it too

--

Sarah Roberts

I dunno, more beer, less gears.....or something.

I'll be there, ready to throw down some stellar pack fodder entertainment, whether I'm coasting or not.

This is gonna be fun.

Tomi

mc---Looks like I'll be up for the week with the rest of the booners, though I will definitely be contending for DFL. Do I get a grad student reprieve?? please??

thanks in advance for puttin this show on...much appreciated.

james k

I intend to do stages 3-5.

See ya there!

Topher Hurley

Hey Mike!!

Julie here! So I'm still not exactly sure what all I'm doing for the Tour, but I'll be down in the Burg June 30th thru July 3rd this year! Definitely in for the Prologue and Stage 2 (just the road ride - I have to head back to CT that afternoon cause I have to work on the 4th). I've heard talk of Eliot's but have never actually experienced the views myself - hence I might race that or I might volunteer that day if you need help (not quite sure what rocks Eliot's has to offer).

Thanks for putting it all together! And let me know if you need anything!

Julie

Mike,

The 2008 Tour de Burg will see the coming of Winston on the big green 2 speed machine. Si Ezolt's bachelor party is the main impetus for the trip, but he and I will be burnin it down (and rippin it up) all week. Please accept my request to be included in your kick ass trail riding event.

Sincerely,

Adam Winton

Dearest Director Carpong ,

I have been granted permission by the king and queen of my country to attend your most grand of tours. GC contention is my intention and I will attack the middle of the pack with great ferocity. The fear alone of this mid-pack attack will crush many of my rivals as it did in Il Giro as I finished in the creamy center. My stool is bloody with anticipation when I think of the mountainous singletrack that the tour will be visiting. I am sad to say my fellow countrymen, Pedro Muchacho, will not be attending your noble contest. He has been training hard all season by scrubbing diapers and rollerblading with a BOB stroller, but it appears his training is in vain. Therefore, I will pledge my allegiance to team green and provide assistance to my fellow safe tour participants, especially the French West Virginian Mak Bo Yes. I will return to my training of inversion table and ping-pong as I await the beginning of le tour. Thanks for your consideration.

Vive le Tour,

J. Von Blowseph

I, Pedro Salsanongrata, will participate in the 2008 Tour. I have followed a rigorous training routine which has been adhered to with iron discipline(fill in the details for yourselves). I pledge myself to Cupcake Supremacy in the service of the great state of Micheauxslovakia. All hail the great leader!

Blake, why so serious?

And let us all take a moment to ponder what life would be like if I had not stayed in Harrisonburg another year thus rendering my spot in the apartment totally open to Blake's enormous frame. Would he have still bailed two months later? Would he have been happy living with Kyle "No One Gets Under My Skin Like He Does" Lawrence? Would Our Lord and Sponsor James McHone still have shopped him off to Martin's?

Oh curse the heavens for rendering time travel or that dealy from The Butterfly Effect impossible! If only we could know! Then we'd really be able to justify all the trash talk.

Kurt, it would seem as though your recent ascension to the elite realm of the one handed hot dog riding circuit has rendered you far more judgmental than I can recall. It is certainly a futile endeavor to attempt a legitimate response to the kind of call-out shit slinging of your previous email, but in the words of my mentor, Samuel L., allow me to retort.

There is no excuse for my tardiness to the SMT ride and as such I felt you and Kyle fully justified in leaving me once I could no longer feel my hands. Far be it from me to impinge on your ride anymore. Fair. However, the remainder of your lovely examples do not begin to question my integrity as a Squad member. I could not afford to participate in the 2007 Shen 100 so I instead chose to volunteer. I had no cross bike or a decently geared single speed to participate in the Cville cross race yet I still, once again, came out to cheer and heckle every lap. As for leaving Harrisonburg, I had been reduced to the prospect of working part time in a grocery store and had respectfully decided to live with a total stranger after Joel's last minute decision to stay. It was the opposite of fun and has since tainted my impression of the Burg. It may never fully recover.

Finally, it is not bravery that has led me to the Single Speed path for Le Tour. It is blatant and unabashed stupidity.

I miss our cuddling Kurt. Come home soon.

B

To whom it may concern,

It is with great excitement that I would like to announce my participation in your bicycle tournament, le Tour de Burg. My intentions are to compete in all six stages of said event and I am anxiously looking forward to both the competitive and social opportunities.

Cordially,

--

Wake Fulp

dear tour director,

I've been storing my own blood for 6 months now getting ready for the grand tour 2008. Not to mention my ample supplies of EPO, horse testosterone, and human stem cells. Sadly I couldn't get the whole time off work, but I'll be there poaching as the solo member from Team Red. That is, unless somebody wants to share needles?

Mark Cohee

Yo I've been waiting all year for the greatest cycling event on the planet, Hell yeah im in and look out carp i'm got 100 mm front shock, and when gravity takes over we're going to have some fun! Also look to break top ten gc, And along the way have a smashing good time drinking beer with all you bike bums

Dennis

This is a notice of fair warning to all of the mid-packers that will be attending the 13th Annual Greatest Ever, Most Awesome Tour on Earth (also known in some parts of the world as the Tour De Burg.) You have been given the minimum Virginia State Law requirement of 48 hours notice that I the one and only Metro will be attending every stage of the 13th Annual G.E.M.A.T.O.E. that I can possibly make by means of begging and pleading (without the use of explicit personal favors but I wouldn’t rule out the puppy dog eyes thing!) with my superiors.

Fast guys you all are set for a few more years but mid-packers ye be warned. When you’re struggling up that last hill and you hear an awkward heavy breathing and grunting behind you that brings back horrendous memories of the first time you walked in on your parents; you will know that I have your number!

Respectfully yours,

Metro

Team G

To the attention of Slum King Carpong & all those of interest

Friday, June 27, 2008: I, Mac bo Yes knew it all along but let it now be known to all – intentions for full pullin (pushin) GC’ness once again. Will arrive w/oHIo’s boy Les in the late afternoon of the day of the prologue for some hot- tt –tiness. Wouldn’t miss it.

mb

To Whom it may concern:

A slummin economy has bestowed upon me enough time for a slummin vacation. JV squad and other DFL (or super-DFL) contenders be forewarned.

p bizza

After much deliberating Team Heirlon Prickoff has committed himself to the tour inferno. A partial commitment due to the pull of the all mighty dollar being waved from above. He hangs his head in shame at the selling out to higher payouts in place of the glory and honor offered by the TDB.

Sam Koerber here, just got back from the lame Utah Norba race and now I'm heading up to the burg. Rumor has it J.B. plans on sitting out the most prestigious race of the year. That might be smart, cause I'm feeling good. Can't wait to see what the trail crew's been up to. See you soon.

sam